Someone Precious

Today's blog was inspired by @ tearose68 and her blog 'Reasons to be Cheerful'. I don't often write/talk about myself, apart from food related, not even in real life! I'm known for being a listener so other people tend to unload themselves on me. I don't mind but having qualified in counselling am aware of the importance of being able to unload that burden elsewhere. So for me my rock is my daughter.  She is the one who has always been there to listen to my rants and ravings! As for Reasons to be Cheerful I can't think of a greater one.  I've delayed posting this blog but after last weekend there is even more reason. I've been really ill and Aisha has been nursemaid. Whilst feeling ill herself she has taken great care of me.  Once I was able to go downstairs I find more... I knew she had been washing and filling the dishwasher... But I walked into a vacuumed and dust free lounge with fresh throws on the futons, even a washed window and clean curtain,  then into a clean & tidy kitchen with bins emptied etc For those who feel this is a 'family' thing I don't agree... I know many who wouldn't do this! From the minute my daughter was born I was the happiest person alive.  I found being a single parent a blessing. I watched many couples confusing their children by not being consistent and using them as pawns when their relationship was rocky, I experienced this with my own parents. And yes I know there are great couples/parents out there doing a great job! Aisha always knew where she stood and I was there to comfort as well as chastise. Not that I had to do much of that. I don't know maybe I've been lucky but I believe our brilliant relationship is due to the fact that I have treated her as an equal. Comes from a background of 'children should be seen not heard' and have no opinion! Aisha & I have always talked about things at an appropriate level of understanding and made decisions together. No this did not equate to a spoilt brat but to an understanding of life, the value of money, non discrimination and I know she'd agree, in fact I'm asking her to read this before I post it!  I won't pretend it's been easy having to cope alone and initially on very little money. But the best things in life are free, it's about making use of them.  We spent the first few years of her life living by the coast. So we went on the beach a lot, picnicked in the park and supported all the local community activities.  There weren't nursery schools but we went to a mums & toddlers group and joined a swimming group. Many neighbours had children too so she was never isolated.  When she was two she was really ill and I was beside myself. This is when I lost my trust in doctors as I admitted her to hospital but she should have been there much sooner. I stayed with her and the nurses were amazing. In the opposite room there was a younger child suffering awful burns, I believe from a cup of tea/coffee who was alone....mum had the option to stay.  I've always found it hard to understand some mothers... as I've got older I've realised it's about the individual person rather than motherhood! When Aisha was three she joined a dancing class and was a natural. She exceeded her peers and progressed exceptionally!  In those days I was quite sylph like and in later years have realised that walking everywhere, climbing the hundreds of stairs and eventually dancing myself was exercise! At the time it was life. I didn't drive in those days and was healthier for it... daily fresh air!  As she got older she started school, joined Brownies and the swimming club.  Money was tight as I didn't work... Luckily I'm not a girly girl so buy clothes as needed not for fashion, have never worn much make up and am not very materialistic. I put together a lovely home though. I'd stopped smoking but still had nights out. Also I'm very handy so able to make things, decorate, DIY and garden. Also when living there I took a step further and grew vegetables, made wine, jam, pickles you name it I made it.  I never wanted Aisha to miss out as you can never recapture childhood!  I had a neighbour who admittedly had 4 children and little money but said that her two girls could not go to Brownies as she couldn't afford it... I believe it was 50p at the time.... priorities... she always had money to go out drinking!  I had some great friends but it was a few years before I even considered a boyfriend.... even then I only introduced Aisha when I felt things were getting serious. I hoped the broken relationships would never effect her and I always explained the situation.  At school she excelled being able to read & write before starting, you hear some schools discourage this but they welcomed it there. She was always very mature for her age and still is so lovely natured. She loved school and worked hard and always accepted my changing situations, like when I started work. She was a welcome addition for the child minder and helped with the younger children. We moved when she was still at primary school and she never once moaned about leaving her friends behind and her dancing. The summer before we left she was old enough to join the local Amateur Variety Association so we were both disheartened to find it was to stop due to loss of choreographer and producer. I offered my services as producer and the chairman found a new choreographer. That experience calls for a blog in itself. It was an amazing summer. We never did find another decent dance class. Aisha did join the local Brownies & we went swimming. She settled into her new school although she had to be given advanced work. There may be a National Curriculum but oh how this varies from place to place. Aisha made lots of new friends as that's the sort of person she is. I started work in education so I could spend the holidays with her. It was a struggle when we first moved as I had no work. Decorating etc went on hold so she could continue activities and we could go on holidays. We had some amazing holidays courtesy of the Family Rail Card that made travel much cheaper. Now when we pile up the car we wonder how we managed going on trains & buses but we did.  We holidayed across the UK in caravans, chalets, B&Bs and hotels with a few trips to Holland too and went away not only in summer but every half term. We even used to go away between Christmas & New Year usually to a cottage with a big log fire. This was made easier years later when I finally learnt to drive & got a car. Aisha then went to a performing arts college and had to work hard as all the lessons she missed for extra arts activities had to be completed in her own time.  She played a part in every yearly show  as well as being in the band and a separate dance group. She performed all over. Then on choosing her subjects she dropped the performing arts but continued in her dance group. We struggled for some time at that school for the correct academic level in some subjects and some teenagers would have given up. During this time I worked at the same school and colleagues knew Aisha, what a good person and student she was and continuously informed me to 'wait until she's a teenager'! I confidently told them she wouldn't change and they laughed! She never did, she never rebelled, never smoked, doesn't to this day like drink very much although she did and does go out but has never been horrendously drunk!  I can hear people saying ' I bet she got up to all sorts you never knew about' but that's just it she always had free reign and when I say we talk about everything believe me I mean everything!!!  She achieved all her GCSEs with high grades and came out top of that year. That year she also met her partner but didn't let it sway her, in fact she made him work harder! We had checked out two different sixth forms and she chose wisely, the one where she would be treated as an adult. Again she achieved well due to hard work. Aisha had to make the decision whether to pursue art or science excelling in both areas.  She completed work experience in an architect's office, even designed a light fitting and went out to sites with them but decided science was the way forward. At the end of year eleven we went to an open day at the university she had decided upon, then again the next year, by the end of the sixth form the lecturers were chatting like old friends. She still had to apply and to a number of other places but she achieved her grades and was accepted. I was so proud of her, she deserved this for all her hard work. This again was hard financially but we managed. Aisha loved it there and they were brilliant with the pastoral side too. I was happy she could still live at home! She completed a year and into her second one was taken ill. By this time I was onto my sixth job in education with flexible hours and holidays when I wanted fortunately. I was therefore able to spend a lot of time with her in hospital. It brought last time, when she was two, flooding back, it took me many years to talk about it as I'd nearly lost her! She took a year out from uni and recovered. Then back to it for her final two years.  During this time her partner moved in with us and as we were all out all day and all contributed to the mess so we all did our share. I taught him how to cook and bake and now his cakes are better than mine! He can also work a washing machine, dishwasher etc They started saving for a house, something I advised having rented many years myself before getting on the property ladder! Aisha initially wasn't sure which direction she would take but decided to teach so applied for the course and was accepted, more hard work.  As with everything she succeeded and now makes science fun for many young people. She seems to be loved by everyone, the kids even set up a face book page dedicated to her. After years of saving they fell lucky in the early part of house prices dropping and we all mucked in to get much of it decorated, carpeted etc before they moved.... Another new skill achieved by her partner!  Unfortunately soon after he lost his job but she coped with her strong confidence and high level of Emotional Intelligence!  He's working again now thankfully! Throughout this there has been times when I've been ill, at one point on a regular basis and she was there for me. Whether going for neighbours, calling family or cooking me meals. She cooked a full Sunday dinner at the age of nine!  So far she has achieved everything but she's strived for it. Her and her partner now have a beautiful house, a cat & a dog .... I'm just waiting for the 2 point 4  children!  We have an amazing relationship and although I still give advice, usually requested, I try not to interfere.  She has been there through all my moans & groans and we have both said that through discussion about my work it has given her a better understanding of SEN and behaviour enabling her to manage her classes well.  How ironic Aisha has just text me for advise while writing this! We see each other on a regular basis, go to glass class together and still holiday together too.  We text and speak every day and I can never imagine anything breaking the bond we have!  'Reasons to be Cheerful'!